A decision

I came to a decision tonight. I don't know how I'm gonna go sticking to the plan, but Ive been crying since making it, and I know that somewhere within me, it has to happen.

For the next 2 weeks, I expect I will see B after his regular Saturday gig. Im gonna put myself out there for him, and let him see everything I can during whatever time we have. If I want to say something, I wont hold back. If I want to touch him or have him touch me, theres no reservations. I will show him all the sides of me I can...

Then there is a break in his gigs for 3 weeks.

I will have the next 2 Saturday nights with him (fairly certain), and after the 2nd night, the 29th May, I will tell him that I cant do it anymore.

I deserve better. His wife deserves better. I knew all that before starting this, and I also knew how hard this would be.

I have had to do things that have required enormous emotional and psychological strength in the past; surely I have the strength within for this.

Ive decided to write a letter as well, which will hopefully explain things. He may not give a shit about my reasons, but deep down in me I do hope he will feel some sadness.

Hopefully Ive been a bit more than a fuck buddy.