Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Thursday night before Christmas I was at a work party when I received a call around 8.30. The number was blocked so I could not see who it was from, but I assumed it was from my daughter as I had just been speaking with her. I answered as if it was (her), but it was not. It was B. He asked where I was, what I was doing. He was up at the local pub and wanted me to join them for a Christmas drink. I asked him who was there with him, and he told me it was mostly work mates. I was about to leave the party anyway as I had my kids to pick up, then I had one of my daughters friends to pick up who was staying the night... I worked out I could meet him around 10.30, and he said he would probably still be there but for not much later than that.

He called again just over an hour later, to make sure I was still coming...It was a bit rushed, but I did all I had to do, including freshening myself up a little, but I got there right on 10.30. I walked in, and went straight to the bar, so that I at least looked a little more like I was meant to be there, as I wandered, looking for him. He is always in the same general area though, and I found him immediately, with two work mates Ive met a number of times before, and some other, much younger work mates.

It was a nice, relatively easy, relaxing time. I love watching how he interacts with everyone. And I like watching the dynamics between people. And men just joke and rib each other all the time. I was finishing off my Corona, and B thought I was leaving. he said something like "you're bailing, aren't you? You've finished your drink and now you're off," and I said that no, I actually wasn't planning on leaving just yet. I think I asked if he was going to buy me a drink then, since it looked like that was the only Christmas present he'd be able to give me, so he did.

The whole time I was conscious of sitting the "right" distance away from him, and not looking intimate in anyway... which was quite difficult. Especially as Id catch him just openly looking at me, and I say "what?" and he would just smile and do a bit of an eyebrow arch thing, or would say something quietly like "you are so fucking hot, you know that right?". One time I thought he was checking out a ring I wore, so I commented on the ring how much I liked the ring etc, and he replied "yeah, it is a cool ring. But I love your fingers. And hands." And I told him how good he looked. Another time he was standing beside me as I was sitting on a stool, and he put his hand on my bum and sorta squeezed. He did that twice and I just couldn't react, because I was worried about bringing attention to the fact. The next time he was telling me how sexy I was I replied "yeah, well fat lot of good that does me", and I was sad for a bit, and wouldn't, couldn't, look at him, but I could feel his eyes on me for a while. Oh, and he also told me how good and natural my boobs looked, but that he knew, from what Id shown him the other day, that they look much bigger uncovered. :-)

Later, when most of his mates had gone (to someones house to play cards), and there was just me, B and R (a work mate) left, he said to me "you know I want you, right? I so want you" And a little after that he said "If things were different, I would snap you up. Just snap you up! But they're not, so...." and I just sorta shrugged.

Anyway, by this time it was 12am or so, and there's just the 3 of us, and the other mate I knew wouldn't take the other guy home, so they asked me, and I agreed. During the exchange though, I hung back, because I didn't know whether maybe I should leave ahead of these guys and not be "seen" with them, or what. They both noticed, and said it was fine.

I asked B if he should be dropped home first then (since he lives literally a minute away), and he said it was up to me. I said "well that's a silly thing to say, because you know the answer to that!" and they both laughed. So I dropped the other guy, R, home, and drove back to B's, but as I was about to turn down a particular street that would take me to his house, he told me to go straight. I knew immediately he would lead me to my own place, and that was confirmed as he motioned for me to turn down a street near my house. I turned and asked why we were going this way, and he said "to your house". Id called to check on my kids a couple of times, and knew my older kids were still awake (from having spoken to them only 1/2 hour before), so I said we couldn't. Dammit. So on I drove.

Again, I went to drive to his place, assuming we'd just pull up somewhere near his house like in the past, and make out for a bit. But again, he told me to turn here and there, and I stopped along side a reserve. And there he said "I just want to kiss you. You don't mind do you?" and I turned the car of completely, and leaned over a little so I could feel his lips... and then it was on, hell for leather. I went wild immediately and straddled him. "Cant I just have you here?" I asked him, and he replied "If you want" so that was that.

For the next 2 hours, we fucked, kissed, and felt our way around almost every part of my car. Oh sweet heaven! He loved my boobs, although he was worried about hurting them / me, but he soon got over that! He said how much he loved just being able to 'screw" so much, and I said I felt like I was 17 again. I came 3 goddamn times, but it took him all that time before he did. And even then he had to finish himself off (he came in my mouth and tasted so good, which I told him). I had no idea it was 2 hours later until afterwards...

After we dressed, I went in search of a tap out front of someones house to fill my water bottle, and B had a smoke. I came back empty handed. We were so hot and sweaty and thirsty. And smelled like sex. Mmmm. I suggested he come back to my place quickly for a shower, but he was worried it would take too long. And I'm thinking, you go home smelling like that, that's just asking for trouble. And if he had a shower, who would have a shower at 2.45am after a normal drinking night out? But, that's for him to worry about, not me.

I dropped him home (near by of course, not out front), and he kissed me good bye, told me how great it'd been to see me, and looked a few seconds longer than he normally does. He got out, lit a smoke, and walked, and I drove away.

It wasn't til I got home (and my daughter and her friend were still awake!), that I remembered he'd told me, quite out of the blue, that he'd been spending more and more time at his mum and dads (who live near me), including spending nights there. In fact last Friday night, apparently, after work, he stayed the night, and didn't wake til 1.45pm Saturday. Id replied something like "Wow, really? you must be tired" and I asked didn't he "get to sleep in ever"? He replied, very seriously, no, he had to wake at 6am. Every. Day. And all the time I was thinking "what does this mean? Is there something else going on?" and had to keep telling myself "no, don't even go down that line of thinking!"

But still, things that make you go 'hmmmm'.

PS. When I woke up the next morning, I had 2 huge bruises on my leg, where it kept rubbing between the seat and the door, and today, 3 days later, my thigh muscles are sooooo sore!

So Fast!

I have returned to the work force, at least part time, and have been working a few days a week for a few weeks now. So I guess that is why this week seems to have flown.

Still, no matter how busy I am, B, and the other guy A, are never far from mind. Have been annoyed with A, because its like our contact has suddenly stopped. I sent him a text on Tuesday evening, simply saying hello, and then another one the next morning along the same lines. He replied with "Sorry hun," and said how busy he is at the mo' etc. Busy. Pfft. It's my middle name. So I answered his questions of how Ive been with "I'm good. All good. Will leave you be. :(" and now its Friday and I haven't heard since. He (we're still talking about A) would of left for his interstate gigs today... when he returns next Monday morning, he doesn't play again til New Years Eve. Of course there's Christmas in the middle there, but that's a total of 11 days. It will be interesting to see if he contacts me during that time...

Wednesday I reminded B that the next time we got together Id promised him a quickie. He did an extra show last night where he performs, and tonight and tomorrow as usual, and then an extra show next Wednesday. And then that's it until mid February. Sigh. He replied that he thought I was "out of order" but I reassured him I'm fine and good to go ;-). Hope I get to see him one of the nights before Christmas...

During the time he'll have off I know he'll go out, and may try to hook up one of those nights.

While writing this, I'm astounded to say I received a message from A! Well there you go.

Back to B... Id also sent him an email to his work address, asking if it went to his inbox or junk (cause the last couple he reckoned he hadn't been able to access because they were marked as spam). And later in the arvo, Wednesday, the same day we texted, he replied that the message had got through.

But, sigh. This is all so.... unsatisfying.

Sunday catchup

I took my daughter to work this morning and did a drive by past B's house; I had a feeling he'd be at work today. His work van wasn't there, so I took the chance and sent him a text asking if he was at work. He replied almost immediately and said he was working, just finishing, and was going to see if I was keen for a coffee. Coffee? You? I replied. I said okay, but where? And then suggested he could come to my home since I was by myself, but that I "wasn't too sure about anything else at the mo". He replied "No worries. Ill drop in if you want".

Meanwhile I had the hubby of the lady who I'm good friends with who lives next to B's work mate, come by to give a hand get a sofa bed of the back of ute (that my other friends hubby picked up for me), and in to the house. They had no sooner left, when B arrived. I hadn't read his part of the message that said he was just finishing (work), so Id expected to be able to shower and put on something a bit nicer. But no, I answered the door with no makeup, my jammie top (that could pass for a normal singlet luckily), unbrushed hair, and no perfume or anything extra.

I unlocked the door and let him in, the zipped to the bathroom to check myself over, and at least brush my hair and teeth!

I was only a minute but when I came out, B was in my kitchen, making himself a coffee! So he really did want a coffee! He asked me if I wanted one, but I said the weather was too hot. He kissed me hello and we hugged. But I felt self conscious. As usual around him. Here is was in my kitchen, a bit of a domesticated scene, and I look so ... a'la naturale.

I said I felt bad I hadnt done anything, like clean up a bit more (I explained about how he must of driven past my friends hubby, who had just left), and that I would've put something a bit nicer on...

We sat out in my back room so he could smoke as well and had a good catch up chat. We talked about my boobs of course, and he wanted to know if I was gonna show them to him. But I swear I still feel like teenager around him. And I didn't show him. We talked about everything people do when they catch up; family, friends that we know the other knows of, work, house hold stuff. In fact, being an electrician by trade, he had a look to see where some places are that a power point could go in my back room. And tried to connect my booster to the tv for me, but I'm missing a cord. And then he started fiddling with a screen in the back room, but the clip that keeps the screen on has fallen off. It was very weird watching him do these things.

He said to me "You've been quiet", and when I asked what he meant, he said that I hadn't been sending many messages or emails or anything. I just shrugged and said " well, you know. You'll be fine. You know where I am. You know I'm here." He had a chuckle when he confirmed that I must of done a drive by this morning to see if his work van was at his home or not...

He asked again whether I was going to show him my "girls". And I told him that I didn't think they were up for any action. I pushed my boobs together and said "Look, they're not quite ready yet. Theres space in the middle." He didn't know what I meant, and I said, "for you. You wouldn't fit in there. I need to be able to give you a snug hold". And he just sort of raised his eyebrows and said "oh!". I explained that raising my arms above my head was a no-no, and even just to brace myself for too long would be painful.

He left about 12, after getting there around 10.20am. He was going to his parents for a while, then home. He was hoping that his wife would've left to go to her Uncles or something by that time, so he could have the house to himself.

He went to his van to get some saline solution for my eye; they were irritated, and he suffers the same kind of thing, and said this would help. I quickly went and checked my boobs, and when he came back I told him to come in the lounge room (out of the way of the front door), and thanked him for the saline. Then I said "Okay, Ill show you. Ive checked them and they're okay." He laughed and said "okay, glad they're alright to show me". He said "woah! they're big kahunas." and I explained how when they're in the bra and with clothes on, they looked normal, but I thought they were big too, naked. He said they were "very nice" and he checked out the scars. And you know, its not until he leaves, when I think of all the things I could've said or done. I shouldve got him to feel them, to see if they felt like real boobs. And if the fact that I hadn't showered was what was holding me back today, from at least showing him my new boobs, he could've waited a few minutes while I had one. Or watched. Or joined me. And I sent him a message saying pretty much just that. I also told him my mind still goes to mush, which is quite annoying.

Hes not sure if hell get to see me before Christmas, but whatever, I said next time I should be "up to it", (sex, that is). He wished me ""Merry Christmas" just in case...

And as soon as he left I wanted to text him to say "come back!".

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Saturday Night

So, B is working at his night job both Friday nights and Saturday nights, up until Christmas,, remember? But he also told me that he'd be car-pooling for most if not all of that period also.

I haven't heard from him since I sent him that text last Friday night.

So, yeh.

The other muso guy and I have been in contact still, but not as much the last 2 weeks, and most of it it has been by my initiation. I'm so pissed off with all this chasing, relationship crap. Its so hard.

B needs to grow some balls, and tell his wife what he needs, and R needs to stop dangling the line in front of me.

Texting. Bleh.

Did my monthly migration to the club with my nan and texted B to say Id be in the area. I said "Come on, you know you want to see them. I mean, me." (I was referring to my 'new' boobs). A few hours later, as I was leaving, I still hadn't heard from him, so I sent a message asking if he'd stated on the smokes Id given him. He replied he'd finished them and that he wouldn't be able to see me today because he was too busy. Busy schmizzy. Told him I hoped he'd enjoyed every smoke. He replied that he did, and asked "how are they coming along". I guess he was referring to my boobs again, so to crank things up a little, I replied "They're coming along nicely, but will be nice to come on, too. :-)". "Oh dear", he replied "That just created some movement. Good to hear". Funny how something so simple could put such a big smile on my face.

Wednesday night I saw R, the musician, at a concert he was part of. We got to have a good chat before the show, and a little one after. It was great to catch up with him. We are in contact at least every few days. But that relationship is a whole different story, which I wont really go in to here. But at least he is single...He just tours. A lot.

Thursday I started back at work, after a long absence of not working, and driving home I went past my friends house (who lives next to M), and B's work van was there... I almost stopped in. At least I would of had a few legit excuses. Which is pretty much what I texted B last night (Friday). He replied that he and M had honestly expected me to stop in (so they must of seen me drive by, although I didn't see either of them), and that I should've. And then he said he thought I was supposed to be driving yet (because of my boob job). Technically I wasn't supposed to drive until the Wednesday (just passed) but Id been driving since Sunday. We texted a little more, but nothing much else to report.

Sigh.