Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thursday

Thought I may of heard from B Sunday night (since he wasn't working the next day), Tuesday night (with Wednesday being a public holiday), or last night (to continue celebrating the public holiday), but I didn't. :(

Funnily, Ive been recalling our 20 minute get-together from Sunday, at odd moments over the last few days and the different things we said; out back in my garden, and remembering the conversation we had about my compost bin for example.

And reliving how he kissed me, countless times!

So, I was going to call, but I texted instead, and said "Hottie! Going anywhere tonight where I can join you?" and surprisingly, a few minutes later, he called.

He said he wanted to let me know that no, he wasn't going anywhere tonight. M, who he would arrange to go out with sometimes (the one who lives next to my friend), apparently hasn't been well lately, and not been out much. Bummer. We talked almost 15 minutes, but its weird, because our conversation does not flow. Its not like we have heaps to say and the words just keep tumbling out... I'm aware of everything I say, and I am conscious of weighing up what I'm about to say.

He commented on how he'd seen that id driven past his house the other day; "saw you do a stalker drive-by on Monday". I laughed. "Yeah", I said. "Haven't done that for a while. My car's too noisy, so you'd hear it. Was on the way to the gym".

It's okay though, and it's usually me that ends the call (on the couple of times we have spoken). He took one or two other calls while talking to me; he was getting prices for a new TV for his bar.
And the other weird thing is that we don't really flirt, or say how much we miss each other, or any endearments.

While it's in no way as often as Id like, I do know I will hear from him eventually, and when there's an opportunity for me to be somewhere where he is, he'll let me know. Just like he said at the end of our call, something along the lines of "see you soon, and ill let you know when we can "bump" in to each other, hey?"

Sigh.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday Visit

And so, I sent B a text on Friday morning, asking how he was, and checking about Sunday. He said he was good, asked how I was, and said he wasn't sure about Sunday; he'd have to let me know, on Sunday.

I usually would have my 2 eldest daughters this weekend, but after the email Id sent him a week or 2 ago about Sunday, I had my girls organise to be somewhere else til around 1pm.

By 11.30am, I hadn't heard anything from B, and I was growing impatient; mostly because I was supposed to be picking up my girls in a little over an hour away. I texted "Well?" and by 12pm, I took a drive past his house. His work car wasn't there. If it had of been there, I obviously would've been upset and would've continued on to pick up my girls. I went back home. Minutes later, at 12.15. he texted saying hed be at my place in 15 minutes. I sent my daughters messages saying Id pick them up later and that I'd call them soon.

I relaxed in a chair on my verandah and waited for B. We walked inside, he took off his sunnies and cap, and kissed me hello. His eyes seemed a more piercing blue... He asked for a water so I got it, and then we sat in my back room so he could smoke. It was a hot day, and hot where we sat. We talked, but still, I just can not think of all the things I want to say when he's sitting right there.

We'd been chatting about 15 minutes, when my mobile rang three times, inside the house, and after B pointed that out, Id decided I should answer it, realising it was probably one of my daughters. As luck would have it, one of them was being dropped home in 40 minutes because the parents of the friend she was staying with had decided to go out, and would drop her off on the way. So I told B.

He thanked me for dropping his friend R home the other night, and I said that that was fine but next time I would have a meter installed in the car so I could charge. :) He said he thought that R and I may have a bit of thing, a bit of action happening. I had a feeling the other night that B sort of felt that way (one of the reasons I think he wanted me to drop him home first, and then R), and I told B that I think R is a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him in any way, and to stop trying to set me up with him! "Im not!" he replied with a chuckle.

And a little while later he made a move to leave, saying he didn't want any complications with my girls seeing him here. I nodded in agreement. So I lead the way back to my kitchen so we could put our glasses there, and commented on how much cooler it was inside the house, as I leaned against the counter. Like I was waiting for something. And B stepped in front of me and kissed me. Dreamiest kisses. Then he stepped away, and went back to get his keys off the bench. I took a step closer to the front door, and he kissed me again. And then pulled me full length to him. I wound my arms around his next, and stood on tippy toes. I could feel every inch of him. Mmmm.

As I walked him to the door, he noticed a drill bit Id purchased. We talked a little about that, and he seemd impressed I was giving it (handyman stuff! :-)) a go. He gave me some tips to make the job easier. I walked him to my letter box. And away he went.

B left just after 1pm. And wouldn't you know it, my daughter didn't get dropped home til 2.15!

Damn but Im starving for more of that man.




Friday, January 21, 2011

Beverages

I received a phone call last night just before 9pm, and the person who called also left a voice message. It crossed my mind that it was B, but then I considered that he probably wouldn't leave voicemail. Turns out it was B; he said that he was up at our local, having a few beverages with one of his work mates who is getting married today, L, (that Ive met), and was also there with another workmate, R, (who Ive also met).

I called called him, and explained that I wouldn't be able to get up there for another hour or so; I had my little kids to put to bed (Id allowed them to stay up for a little watching a movie), and had to shower etc. He said he wasn't staying much longer, and I said "look, I know you. You'll still be there at 10.30" (which is when I said Id be there). I suggested he give me a call when he was leaving, so I could tell him how far away I was.

So I got ready, made my big girls aware that they were babysitting their siblings :-) and was 2 minutes from leaving when B called again, saying he was leaving. I told him Id be there in 10 minutes, which I was.

We stayed til just after 12am.

There were 4 of them; the 2 guys I know, B, and the 'best man'. R and I went to the bar first, and bought drinks. B then suggested I sit between him and R so I could be included in conversation at the table, rather than sit to the side on the edge. It was actually a good time, and the conversation, and laughter, flowed easily.

Three of us were on one side of the table, and the other two were on the other. B sat directly across from L mate. Again I was conscious of what I was doing, or how long I looked at B, etc, because of L's friend.

At one point, I had my hands on either side of my legs, sort of leaning forward holding on to our seat. B then intertwined his fingers in to mine. And then we played with each others fingers under the table, or my foot was wrapped around his calf, or I'd be stroking his thigh or under neath. Or something. If my right arm was stretched out a little because of what ever I was doing, I would try and make my other arm or hand look like it was in the same position. Part of me was thinking that this guy (L's friend) didn't notice, and then the other half of me, and probably more accurately, realised that he probably could tell there was something going on.

I picked up my drink at one stage, and the condensation dripped on to my legs, and I wiped it off. B immediately helped me, and then quickly stopped and said "oh sorry". Another time I got up to go to the bathroom, and he gave my bum a pat as I passed. So, this guy would've realised for sure, even though I didn't react to any thing.

Unfortunately, B said he should be dropped home first because today is his last day filling in for the big boss who is on leave. He said he needed to not be so hung over, like an occasion where he was last week. He said sorry, and was "that okay?" "Of course" I replied. Yeh, of course I was disappointed, but I totally understand; I wasnt the one who had to get up at 6am, less than 6 hours later.

He sat in the front, and in the two minute ride to his house, had his hand stretched out to my leg and groin. I stopped the car near his street, and he leaned over. Those lips are divine. We kissed on the lips, and hugged, but R was just in the back, and so I didn't want to be so blatant in front of him. B said thanks for the lift, and that it was nice to see me again. He lit up a smoke, and I drove R home.

I half expect to get a message from B today sort of apologising for him wanting to go home first, but I'll see him Sunday, so all should be fine. Having said that, nothing was confirmed last night about him seeing me Sunday...


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The little things

I sent B a message yesterday around 1pm, to his work phone, asking how he was and whether he did the show on Saturday night... About 40 minutes later I received a text from him, from his everyday phone, asking if I was messaging the "truck phone" again.

Um, oops. :-)

I explained that yes, I did message his other phone, because being a Monday, I couldn't remember if he was working or not. He said he was working, and so I explained that Id simply asked if he'd worked Saturday night. I also said that lucky for me I hadn't sent a picture that I was going to (to the other phone)! He replied that it was indeed lucky I hadn't sent the pic; "the boys would have loved that". He said that the show was pretty good on Saturday night actually, and that he thought he might of seen me there.

I told him I hadn't sent any pics for a while because I didn't want half of the company checking them out (the last time in fact Ive sent any was in May 2010, and I think there was some conversation once or twice with me and his work mates about it). I told him Id only found out about the show Saturday night the night before, and didn't think it was appropriate for me to just turn up.

Later, he suggested I try sending the pic I had to his everyday phone. I tried a few times, but he couldn't receive it. I told him he needed a new phone, and the 'real thing'. Later still, he asked if I could email it... I told him I could, but that he wasn't to share. "Never," he said. The pic, as I said to B, was actually rather tame, but I like it, and was thinking of him when I took the pics. It was simply a photo of my (9 week old) boobs, looking rather nice in the shower...

He had trouble opening it at work too, but then emailed back to say "Worked it out. Very nice. Pity it has to go straight away. X" I could imagine him saying "Mmm, very nice".

And you know what the nicest thing was? Very simple, but it mattered. The kiss at the end of his sentence. The second time ever he's included one.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

3 weeks

It's been just over 3 weeks now since Ive seen B (apart from the 2 seconds I saw him as he drove past), and I can feel I'm going through withdrawals. :-) Or is it just that its been the same length of time since Ive had sex, whether it was with him, or the other muso guy A, a few days earlier than I had with B?

Ive heard from A via email and text... but I think I'm starting to accept that I'm just not his "one". He's friendly and polite enough, but he's just way too busy for a relationship.

I kept thinking all last night that I may of heard from B, while he was out having beverages somewhere, but no...

I was looking online, and through the social networking site, and came across a lady who had posted a link to a show that B would normally do, but it was being done at a different venue (which does happen from time to time), and it was noted that there would be a special guest appearance by a guy (who used to be in the show that B does, but left some time back to pursue his own thing). Also according to the post, it was being held tonight...

So then I was wondering... if this other guy was in the show for tonight, would B still be doing the show with B (as he was the very first time I saw this show back in November 2009 at a club), or would he in fact be filling in for B (because B had told me he wasn't doing any more shows until the official show went back in February). If they were all doing the show, perhaps they were car pooling again, which would mean he wouldn't be able to stop in to see me.

I went out with an old girlfriend to a local pub. Later, I subtly convinced her to go to another pub (B's local) but I honestly didn't think B would be there. And he wasn't. Id driven past his house on the way to my girlfriends, and all the cars were home, and they were all there when I was taking my friend home - if he was doing the show AND driving, at the times I drove past, his car shouldn't of been there. If he was carpooling, well, there wasn't much I could do. And because I don't know if he was in fact out or not, I couldn't even send him a message.

I cant wait to see him again.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Booked in?

I sent B an email late last night to his work address... actually, was early this morning (just after 12am) asking when the next Sunday he would be working again would be. He replied "23rd January. Why?" "Um... cause maybe I can see you?" I replied. "Hey yeah! That would be good," he said.

So, I gather that's a "yes, let's book 'er in", and Ive organised for my 2 older children who would normally be here, to stay at a friends that night so I have the morning free...


Friday, January 7, 2011

Email?

The day after our 2 hour marathon, Id sent B a text asking how he was, and that I was black and blue all over etc, and Merry Christmas. He replied "Oh no. Merry Christmas to you too."

The same day, Christmas Eve, I was, I have to say, quite worked up over the fact that I hadn't heard from my muso friend A, who had actually stayed the night Monday, but who I hadn't heard from other than a quick text once he got home the next morning. I had just left a message on his voice mail (after ringing once, and noticing it went to voice mail, I hung up, collected my thoughts and rang again), and Id pretty much said I wasn't in to playing games, and that he clearly wasn't interested in me the same way etc (theres more to this story but too hard to explain here).

So, I decided that I need to be more up front. No more pussy footing around, especially when it comes to relationships. Id just told A what I thought, and that now I needed to be a little more upfront with B.

I decided to tell him that I love him.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not IN LOVE with him. I know how things are. I know he wont leave his wife. I don't want anything from him. I know that if he's done this WITH me, he'd be just as likely to do it TO me. But, knowing what I do know of him, there is part of me that does love him.

I wanted to say that to B.

And so I sent B a text asking if he was still at work and would he be checking his emails before the end of the day. He replied that he was just about to leave, and asked why. I replied that it was okay, id leave it til another time.

As much as I wanted to say something, and start the new year off on a different foot, I knew /know it would change a lot of things.

Today B sent me a message saying that he'd still not received the email Id been talking about. "Surely you're not hanging out for my emails? ;-)" I asked. ""No. It just seemed important a few weeks ago" he said. So I replied "It was then. Now its not. Better that way. And nothing to do with being preggars so don't freak. Have a good weekend. x". He simply replied "Great. You too."

Not sure Id say anything now...


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Spotted!

I had a feeling that I would see B this afternoon, on my way home from work. I actually thought he'd be at his work mate's, the one who lives next to my girlfriend.

I was slowing down behind traffic, nibbling my finger, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed across the road his big work van, and him doing a bit of a wave at me. Still took me a second to realise though, so didn't wave back or anything.

I sent a text saying that Id thought Id see him. He replied "There you go." and that he was just picking up his sunnies from a mates house.

And that's that.

My muso friend A clearly isn't interested. I haven't seen him for 2.5 weeks, although I have heard from him (including a quick phone call from the airport on Friday morning). The last time was some texting Monday. Tuesday I sent a quick message saying it had been 6 weeks since Id had my boobs done and couldn't wait to go shopping. No reply. Yesterday I called and left a message saying I would be near his place in the arvo, and suggested we catch up for coffee... I still haven't heard anything.

Sigh. Time to move on.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year

I texted B earlier on New Years Eve, wishing him a happy new year and all good things. He replied just after 12am, with "Happy New Year!"

So, I knew he would of returned to work today, after having those days in between Christmas and New Years off, so I gave him a call, to have a bit of a catch up. Couldn't be bothered texting. New year, means a new way of doing things. :-) I told him that if I had of waited until the next time I was to see him to catch up about Christmas, he would've forgotten all about Christmas!

We only talked for 6 or 7 minutes, but it was great to hear his voice. Got him to tell me a few things he received for Christmas (a statue for the pool area from his parents, a few things for his bar)...

He asked me if Id recovered, and at first I thought he meant my boobs, so I replied "yeah, great! All back to normal". It wasn't until after Id hung up that I realised he meant from our night together, and probably in particular the bruising on my legs, and my nose, where the seat hit me! ;-)

He seemed okay to keep chatting, but I told him I had to go. He said "okay, see you soon."

I'm glad I called.