Controlled

My girlfriend L always comments on how controlled I am. By this she means, I always seem to be calm and composed, and refrain from texting B, or inundating him with messages or calls. To be honest, I am surprised myself, but here's where my control comes from...

Age. Maturity. The particular things that have happened to me and my kids in the past 18 months and the strength gained from that. Knowing that a lot guys don't like clingy or needy women. Knowing there is no point "chasing", when its a relationship that cant go anywhere anyway. Not wanting to embarrass myself.

And the list could probably go on.

I also control my emotions very well, especially in front of others. I put on a facade of sorts, which I believe helps get me through things. After receiving B's reply today, I was hurt, then surprised, angry, and then I thought fuck it, and went out for some retail therapy (but only bought groceries and a couple of little things for 2 of my kids). Oh, and enjoyed a coffee.

And, as is my usual way of coping, I say to myself that every thing will work out, because it always does in the end. It may not be the ending I think I want, but it will work out.