Low

I'm in a low place right now. Ive recently returned from a great holiday with my family, which I feel blessed to of experienced. Part of our trip was on a cruise, and there is so much to do and participate in. But being single sure does suck sometimes. My kids and parents were mostly off doing their own thing, and often I felt bored and lonely. Out of the 2000 odd people aboard the ship, I noticed the same men over and over, but they were either too young or married (if not partnered). And I still thought about B all the time.

I messaged him last night just basically saying "hi" (as my own way of not only letting him know I was home, but to see see if he'd be coming by). He apparently didn't think I was home til today. It was obvious I wouldn't be seeing him.

Its Mothers Day today, and Ive watched a few movies (in among doing some laundry! Excitement plus!), and they've made me sadder, because they're all movies about relationships.

Added to that, I visited the Apple store this morning because of a problem with my iPhone, which they've replaced. I forwarded all my messages from B to email, which is lucky, because my backup and restore didn't work, and Ive lost all the originals from him. :(

Is that a sign? Should this be the big push I need to just forget things? Just start from scratch?

Why cant I be strong enough to just close this door and just move on?