Reminders

Well, its only been 3 or so days since Ive seen him... and so far, I'm doing okay. I usually start getting a bit antsy toward the end of the week. I know realistically though I wont see him again for weeks. Possibly another 7, if the last few months are anything to go by! I will try my damnest to not contact him for any reason. Not even to ask him if he went to a particular Industry Ceremony last night...

Yesterday, as I was wheeling my shopping trolley back to it's bay, I smelled cigarette smoke. Instantly, I thought of B. Normally I dont like the smell, but now I associate with him, although, funnily enough, he hasn't actually smoked around me since... I'm thinking drinks we had out in perhaps January? When I taste him, I can taste hints of cigarette, but it is no way offensive to me, which is quite weird...

Whenever I see work vans like his, my head almost twists off trying to read the number plate or look for the other tell tale signs its his... I love its size - I know that sounds crazy; its just a goddamn work vehicle, but you cant help but notice it, especially when parked in a quiet little suburban street (like his own; makes it easy to see if he's home as I drive past on the way to the shopping centre. Not that theres any purpose to me knowing!). Or when its at his work mates place, M, who lives next to my girlfriend...

Almost everyday, as 4pm rolls around, and I haven't had some contact with B, Im both disappointed, and 'proud' of myself, that I haven't been in touch. Why 4pm? He is usually home by then.

And his chin. He has a masculine, strong chin. Of course there are other attractive features about him, however for some reason at the moment I'm particularly remembering his chin, and how it looked as I straddled him, while having the conversation that I am trying to meet other people...

God, please give me strength.