First Saturday Night...

with absolutely NO contact.

Apart from the times where Ive known in advance for whatever reason I would not be seeing him, last night was the first time that I can remember where I did not contact B 'just to see' if he'd be coming by or whatever, and where he also did not message or call me.

And Jesus, it was soooo difficult.

But, you know, I looked over my sms's to him, and almost every Saturday, I'm like some desperate school girl, asking in various ways if he'd be coming by, and most times he answered that he wouldn't be.

And realising that makes me so sad.

Pfft. Sure, part of me feels good that I was strong enough to hold back. And that I recognise this is actually an important step to letting go. But it's still sad, none-the-less.