Countdown

It's almost 6pm, and still at least six more hours before I see B.

IF I see B.

And so begins the analysis, and pondering of scenarios.

I'm writing now, because I'm actually starting to get nervous. I know this could be the last time we have sex. This could be the last time I see him. But another thought crossed my mind, that is glaringly possible... he may simply message me to say he cant come by after all. Or even, just not message me.

If theres no indication on him coming by, I think that in itself would be a big sign from him, saying that yes, he would rather things finish (as per my text the other day). And then what would I do? Nothing I guess. What could I do?

If he says he would've liked to come by, but now theres been a change of plans, such as now he didn't end up driving and got a lift, then, theres not much I can do with that either. Ive organised to meet up with my friend Michael tomorrow, so Id have to feel positive that I'm at least trying to move forward...

And if I do see him... mmm. My tummy still gets tight thinking of him. I catch myself making little noises in response to my imagination.

I'm cleaning then house from top to toe, both for B and for Michael, and because thats what I normally do when I dont have the kids every second weekend. Boring stuff. But then thats the boring stuff done, and I can relax in my organised clean environment. So the point of sharing that, is that its one way to keep busy for the next few hours...