Drive

There has been no progression - actually there has been nothing - with B lately.

Last week, while getting petrol, I pulled in behind B's friend M (the one who lives next to my good friend). We had a bit of a chat. I looked alright that day, so I hope he "reported" me to B. Stupid huh? We didn't talk about B of course; my kids were with me too...

I met a guy online, offline, for the first time a week and a half ago. We have emailed, texted and briefly spoken. Actually, the night I met up with B, I had also had an invite to meet this guy for the first time too but I declined. Anyway, we met up a week later for a Sunday drink, and it was nice and easy. He is very simple though; no aspirations to move on, his language is simple, no other hobbies or interests other than the gym. He however seemed keen, and messaged or called me daily. We had dinner last Saturday night, and while it was a nice time, I learned more about him and my opinions were reinforced. He buys take-out almost daily for dinner, and doesn't cook anything other than spaghetti when his son comes to visit. That's not a deal breaker, but being irresponsible with money is, and he certainly shared a story or two regarding that. After dinner we went for drinks to the same placed we had been at the previous week (which is also a place I've met up with B at on a Thursday night in the past, and the same place he'd been to on his birthday, the very first night we had sex...). Anyway. We had a drink or two, and the conversation was easy, but not stimulating. We kissed, but, again, while it was... nice, there was no spark for me.

Id had already made an excuse that I had to leave a bit earlier, because I kind of knew I wasn't that keen. I went to bed around 12.30 and fell in to a very restless sleep, and woke every 20 minutes or so, checking my phone, in case there were missed messages from B. At 3am I realised I would not be hearing from him, and slept relatively fine.

:(

The next afternoon, the Sunday just gone, I had drinks at the local pub with some friends, where B often hangs. But he wasn't there...

Today, I finally changed my password on my phone to something more positive.

I still think of him constantly, but dont cry as easily. I have no doubt that I love him, but the timing is all wrong. He too is a very simple guy, and would probably except all his meals cooked for him etc, but I dont need to worry about those things. That, and the fact he is a cheat should be enough to have me move on but I cant help how I feel. I can only make more positive choices in future.

On my way to the gym tonight, I drove past his street (there is no other option unless I detour), and as I looked up the road toward his house, he was crossing the street to his work car, beer (I'm guessing) in hand, and I saw him look up (probably because my car is noisy; the exhaust needs replacing, so you can hear my car a mile away :P), and he would've seen my car for sure.

Anyway, big deal, right? I know its easier for him if he tries to keep me "outta sight", cause then "I'm outta mind".