Midnight

As I've said previously, I knew I wouldn't hear from B tonight... Well, really, there's still a fair amount of time where he could be in contact, but realistically, I know I wont. Of course -and obviously by writing this - it doesn't stop me wondering if I'll hear from him, or thinking about him, but I have to keep reminding myself that its unlikely.

I also have to keep reminding myself that everything will work out okay. They wont work out with B, but when I truly accept that, and can move on, other... 'opportunities' will surely present themselves. I still do not regret anything I have done with B, or my time with him, because how can I regret something that has helped me to grow, has made me become more aware of myself, has helped me enjoy sex more? And reinforced some of my beliefs and values?

And hopefully I have helped him too, in some way.

I am glad I have remained strong and have not contacted him tonight.

I know he filled a void for me, for the past... 18 months or so. And I acknowledge that I have been purely selfish in continuing this relationship. Now, if only I could do something in return for him, and that is, to leave him alone. Because if I really did love him, no matter how small, surely I would be able to put my needs aside, step back, and out of his life??