Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday night. 8.30pm. And all I can think is that Ive made a mistake. A huge one.
B is my drug of choice. I liken it to pot; not something you have to have everyday, would be good if you did, but not as addictive usually as some drugs. After not having had it for a little bit, you start thinking about how good it would be to have some more, and you keep thinking about it, until you're consumed with need.
I haven't had a reply to my email or any contact from B. Ive said I wouldn't contact him until if and when he contacted me. What the hell did I say that for? I also said in the email that if waiting for him to contact me meant Id have to wait a goddamn month, then so be it, but I hoped I wouldn't have to wait that long. And what the hell did I say that for??
Should I just send a message asking if he got the email, and tell him I miss him? Or would he be more impressed with me standing by what I wrote and not contact him first?
What if he really does the whole month until he contacts me? And worse, what if, now that I left it in his hands and given him the option, I never hear from him again?? Arrrggghhh!
The mistake Ive made, apart from those two things in the email, was that I ended things! It must of been the wine talking that night! Why didn't I just talk about things then and there, and try and sort out a compromise? Or at the worst, I could have arranged to meet him anyway, and talked about it then!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
My girlfriend L said today that she knew Id contact him, and wouldn't be able to just stop seeing him. She also thinks I'm a little in love with him.
I don't think its love, but I do know that Ive returned to thinking about why give him up? Something is better than nothing, right? And when I find that someone I want to get to know, because of my circumstances, it wont be an instantaneous full on relationship anyhow. I can phase B out while I determine if the new guy will be transitioned in.
Or something...
B is my drug of choice. I liken it to pot; not something you have to have everyday, would be good if you did, but not as addictive usually as some drugs. After not having had it for a little bit, you start thinking about how good it would be to have some more, and you keep thinking about it, until you're consumed with need.
I haven't had a reply to my email or any contact from B. Ive said I wouldn't contact him until if and when he contacted me. What the hell did I say that for? I also said in the email that if waiting for him to contact me meant Id have to wait a goddamn month, then so be it, but I hoped I wouldn't have to wait that long. And what the hell did I say that for??
Should I just send a message asking if he got the email, and tell him I miss him? Or would he be more impressed with me standing by what I wrote and not contact him first?
What if he really does the whole month until he contacts me? And worse, what if, now that I left it in his hands and given him the option, I never hear from him again?? Arrrggghhh!
The mistake Ive made, apart from those two things in the email, was that I ended things! It must of been the wine talking that night! Why didn't I just talk about things then and there, and try and sort out a compromise? Or at the worst, I could have arranged to meet him anyway, and talked about it then!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
My girlfriend L said today that she knew Id contact him, and wouldn't be able to just stop seeing him. She also thinks I'm a little in love with him.
I don't think its love, but I do know that Ive returned to thinking about why give him up? Something is better than nothing, right? And when I find that someone I want to get to know, because of my circumstances, it wont be an instantaneous full on relationship anyhow. I can phase B out while I determine if the new guy will be transitioned in.
Or something...
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