Confusion

Last night, around 10pm, I sent B a message asking if he was at (band) practice. He replied a short time later saying yes, he'd "just finished".

"Can we still be friends right?" I asked. "Sure" he replied. "Well, you know things don't usually work out like that but nice of you to agree" I replied. "You know what will happen don't you if we see each other again?" he asked. So Ive gone on to say how Ive sat in his work van and been out in public with him and looked but not touched because that's the way its had to be, and that I'm sure I could do it again. "Okay," he replied. I told him Id had a few months practice of self control and I could give him some tips. :-)

By this morning though, it occurred to me that he actually has a lot of self control. Or even, we have self control in different areas of this... thing. He is more controlled with limiting contact with me, but once we're alone, he's a goner. That's surely just his dick talking. I on the other hand need other communication and contact so that when we are alone, it doesn't feel so sleazy. And so I text or email rather than wait for him.

I tried putting a little of that in a message to him, but it obviously wasn't clear enough. B replied that he didn't get it at all. "I'm sorry to confuse things. I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about if we ever meet again" I replied.

Of course Ive been mulling over this all afternoon. What would I be happy with, given the situation? What if we talked about things, and I explained how I wouldve been okay if he had of just said Ill give you a call in the next week or so, and we'll organise to meet up, and he told me there just no way he couldve done that which is why he didnt say that in the first place? What if I never heard from him again? Should I send a message asking to meet up? Should I do that now or in a month? Should I see how long I can go without contacting him?

Im confused over the fact that in some ways I did feel a bit more than just someone he was having sex with, because otherwise every time we got together we would've ended up in bed (or have had sex anyhow). But in actual fact, we probably met up without having sex more than we actually had sex. He wouldn't invited me to practice, or just to meet him out at the pub if it was just about sex.

So why did he have to go and say "guess Ill see you in a month"??

So anyway, Ive sent an email to his work which hopefully he'll get tomorrow morning. Basically Ive said Id like to meet up to chat because we've both misunderstood some things, but that Id wait for him to contact me and Id leave him alone until he did...

I'm thinking he's thinking I'm scattered, and this is just too much trouble.

I guess we shall soon see what and if there is a response.