My head

has a constant chatter inside it. I am always, ALWAYS thinking of B.

Part of me is content and happy and secure knowing now that he isn't going to be the one to end things with me, but I want more of him, I want more from him, so badly.

I had drinks with a man I met online a few weeks back, last night, at the local pub where B sometimes hangs out. Being Good Friday, and the place closing at 10pm, I didn't think B would be there (and also because he'd said on Tuesday he probably wouldn't be), and he indeed was not there. This man was nice. Polite. Easy to talk to. But there was no real spark. I probably would consider catching a movie or something, but don't want to lead him on. He's only freshly out of his marriage really too, so not sure he's really ready.

B works tonight at a different venue, so he'd probably be car-pooling, so I wouldn't get to see him. I wonder if Ill hear from him; its hard to stop wondering.

I'm very aware that each night he comes to me now, could potentially be our last time. I have envisaged what I want to do if he does come to me tonight.

I would answer the door in my black robe. We'd say hi, he'd give me a kiss as he walked in, and Id lead him down the hallway straight to my bedroom. He would put his things down, and Id hand him his usual glass of water (funny how some things are just known). I would have him standing so he could see himself in front of my mirrors, and I would stand in front of him, and start kissing him. Then I would let my robe fall, and underneath I am completely naked. So he can see me from behind as well as in front, because of the mirrors. After a little, I would start undressing him, and again, because of the mirrors, it would be like he can see from all angles. I would kiss his body all over, walking around behind him, and catch his eyes in the mirror. Id come back in front and suck his dick as I undressed the bottom half of him. And then...

I am so turned on just thinking about him...

And of course I am going to be completely disappointed if I don't hear from him tonight, or see him.

I leave tomorrow morning for our holiday.