Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Obssessive?

Went out to B's pub on Friday night; got there around 7.45pm, but didn't see him or anyone that looked familiar (in his circle of friends). Maybe they didn't go out? Or they'd just had their after work drinks and had already left.

Didn't hear from B at all. All Saturday night I waited as usual for a message from him, as I went about my own stuff. I was so sad and pissed at the same time, as I got ready for bed just before 12am.

By 12.15 I thought "stuff it" and I tried calling him, to say something along the lines of "you know how much Ive missed you; you could of at least let me know you wouldn't be coming by tonight". I psyched myself up, and dialled... and the phone went straight to a message saying it had been switched off. I waited a few more minutes and tried again. Then I tried his work phone; it too had been switched off.

12.30am I sent a text message saying I was disappointed and that I didn't know what had happened or changed but he could at least taken time to tell me.

20 minutes later I was still not asleep, and extremely restless, and... I put on my slippers and dressing gown and did a drive by of his house! The car was there; he was home. All I could think was that he'd had an early night after all, and not stayed out or gone somewhere else like I thought.

I wasn't sure if he'd be working Sunday, but perhaps he did, because I did a drive by again (took myself off to Maccas for breakky) and his work van wasn't there. Just before 10am I received a text from B saying "Sorry babe, left phone at home last night". Not good enough I'm afraid.

So I replied "Now what? You've known ahead of time what you've had on. I'm pissed I haven't seen or spoken to you for even 10 minutes in 4 weeks." He wasn't happy. He replied "Ive had a heap on my plate. I cant do everything." Well, obviously I'm not a priority but I didn't realise I didn't matter at all! I replied along the lines of please don't get defensive, that we're all busy gorgeous but I make time for what matters and that I miss him etc." I ended with "See ya. x". Later I thought what if he takes my "see ya" the wrong way? As in "goodbye" when I meant "when you're ready"? so I texted that through on his work mobile later.

So, its after midday Tuesday now. Ive heard nothing, and I don't expect to. At least til Saturday, but to be honest I reckon I'll be lucky to hear anything for a while. Hes not that bad mannered where I wont hear anything ever again, but he wont hurry that's for sure.

Ive started my 2nd real attempt at online dating. Had a couple of disasters about a month ago, and that's before even actually meeting anyone through it! But Ill try again and see what happens.

Really need to let go of B.

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