Another week.

Gone.

Today B texted me around 12.30pm to let me know he wouldnt be able to stop by tonight because he wasnt working. I said thanks for letting me know, and that I missed him last Sunday too. He said he didnt come by after work because it had been a big day and he was buggered.

Sigh.

Not much

Ive noticed that while my feelings have not changed - part of me does in fact love B, or at least loves what I know of him - Ive come to a kind of acceptance of things. I don't feel I have to drive past his house nearly so much. Often, to or from the gym, I drive a different way now. That's not to say I don't drive past, just not as much. :-) And texting or emailing him; I just don't do it as much. He knows I'm keen for him. And yes, I would like a bit more from him, but it just ain't gonna happen, so why stress myself?

Didn't think I would see B last night, because I figured he'd have to work today (he works Sunday mornings once a month). Didn't hear from him, and this morning, after I took my daughter to work, I did drive by and the Bat Mobile was not there.

But its 11.35am now, and I don't think Ill be hearing from him today to catch up either. :-(

Its another hot day, and I wouldn't blame him for just wanting to get home, and go for a swim.

We did a little texting at the beginning of the week; I asked him how his cold was, and he said fine. I told him I couldn't get the image of him in the mirror out of my head and his reply was "Yeah. Hilarious!".

I told him that I was no longer seeing the guy I was "kind of seeing", and when he asked who he was (he's a well known muso) I told him a little about him and he asked what happened. I replied "As you said, shit happens" (he said that once after the time he left early because we thought my daughter would be home any second and she didn't come home for something like an hour and a half!).

So, that's it for this week. Bleh.

57 days

B sms'd me just after 11pm Saturday night (last night), and said he was keen to see me, but had a bit of a cold. I said that was fine... I really didn't expect to see him, so I hadn't showered or anything. I knew I had about 45 minutes before he arrived, so off I went! :-)

He came about 12.30, and kissed me hello as he walked in. I smiled to myself as I noticed him try not to look at my cleavage in the dress I wore... He had to use my bathroom, so I got him a glass of water while he did that. When he returned, I handed him his drink, and I had one too. I put my glass down, as did he, and we reached for each other at the same time. I was so hungry to kiss him that my teeth caught his top lip. "Take it easy" he chuckled. We went at each other, there in my kitchen. Hot steamy kisses, and feeling each other.

All is right with my world when I'm there with him like that.

"Come with me" I said softly, as I lead him to my bedroom. I was wearing a dress that zipped from top to bottom at the front, and it was a very erotic sensation as he unzipped me.

I get very wet, when I'm turned on, and he knows that. Still, I had a hand towel ready, and I'd paused for a second to wipe some of the juices away. "What are you doing?" B asked. "You can feel how wet I am for you" I replied. "Leave it" he replied. "Don't worry," I said. "Theres plenty more". And there was.

We're kissing and feeling away, he's on his back on my bed, and I'm checking him out, and loving everything about him, and I remembered something; a funny quote thing Id read. So I told him, hoping he'd see the humour in it. "I'm not staking you. By the way, you're out of milk". He chuckled, but I'm not sure he really did find it that amusing. I asked him, "you dont really think I stalk you, do you?" "Well, I dont know" he replied. "I only drive by your place because its like a way of keeping connected with you. You must know by now I wouldn't do anything to get you in to trouble?" But all he said was "Yeh".

There was a time when I was on top, kind of across him, and I was moaning, and saying his name. He said something. A lengthy-ish sentence. But I was so caught up in feeling him, that I didn't actually hear what he said. I'm sure it was along the lines of "you feel so fucking amazing, especially when you say my name like that", but maybe he didn't? Maybe, because I was so hot, he said something like, "Babe, I don't think your deodorant is working and you need to move your arm?" Man, I wish Id asked him to repeat it. So, not that we talk a lot during sex, but when he did speak after that, I paid attention! :-)

It was a humid night, and I got up to turn the ceiling fan on...

We're never in one position, and this time we even tried doing it standing up, face to face. It felt wonderful, but his dick is not very big, and we didn't stay in that position long because he kept slipping out.

I did wonder if perhaps I should offer a condom to him, based on his last few times he requested it (except for the 2 hour marathon in the car), but I didn't. Not even when he asked me "You're still on the pill, right??" and I answered "Of course." Which I am.

He took me from behind, which is a fav position of mine, and we were that way for a while. I have big mirrored sliding doors beside my bed, and always have dimmed lighting, and so I was watching us for a lot of it. I loved watching him pump in to me. His dick actually looked bigger this way. I love the whole size of him, compared to my slenderness. I love watching him watch us too.

And he came on my back. Guess he just wanted to make sure regarding the whole pill/condom thing.

It was only 1.30am, but he left straight away. I always want to cry when he leaves, but instead remain touchy feely and upbeat, and smile.

So, 57 days since that last time we had sex. I sat on my verandah in the cool of the night, and watched him drive away...

Win

I sent B a text asking him to give me a call because I wanted to tell him about something Id won (which I cant write about here; too many revealing details!). But he knows I'm a bit lucky that way; Ive won a few things although this particular prize is very major should I win (I just got through to the final stage). So, he did ring a few hours later, and we had a nice chat. He was possibly going interstate with his work for the weekend to help out with a job, which was good timing for him, considering he didn't have to start back at his other regular night job til the following week. So that was on the Thursday when we talked...

The following Tuesday, I texted him asking if he had to do the job interstate. You know, as a way to start off dialogue. He replied asking how I was and that no, he didn't get to go unfortunately (I'm sure he would've loved the money). "Apart from missing you" I replied, "I'm fab". I talked a little about the weather (its been ridiculously hot!) and asked if his friend L was still married. And I asked what the chances were that I would see him the weekend coming (since he returned to night work). He acknowledged it was fucking hot. And that yes L was still married. "And yes you're good at avoiding the big q's :-)" I wrote back. "Yeah maybe" he replied...

Thursday

Thought I may of heard from B Sunday night (since he wasn't working the next day), Tuesday night (with Wednesday being a public holiday), or last night (to continue celebrating the public holiday), but I didn't. :(

Funnily, Ive been recalling our 20 minute get-together from Sunday, at odd moments over the last few days and the different things we said; out back in my garden, and remembering the conversation we had about my compost bin for example.

And reliving how he kissed me, countless times!

So, I was going to call, but I texted instead, and said "Hottie! Going anywhere tonight where I can join you?" and surprisingly, a few minutes later, he called.

He said he wanted to let me know that no, he wasn't going anywhere tonight. M, who he would arrange to go out with sometimes (the one who lives next to my friend), apparently hasn't been well lately, and not been out much. Bummer. We talked almost 15 minutes, but its weird, because our conversation does not flow. Its not like we have heaps to say and the words just keep tumbling out... I'm aware of everything I say, and I am conscious of weighing up what I'm about to say.

He commented on how he'd seen that id driven past his house the other day; "saw you do a stalker drive-by on Monday". I laughed. "Yeah", I said. "Haven't done that for a while. My car's too noisy, so you'd hear it. Was on the way to the gym".

It's okay though, and it's usually me that ends the call (on the couple of times we have spoken). He took one or two other calls while talking to me; he was getting prices for a new TV for his bar.

And the other weird thing is that we don't really flirt, or say how much we miss each other, or any endearments.

While it's in no way as often as Id like, I do know I will hear from him eventually, and when there's an opportunity for me to be somewhere where he is, he'll let me know. Just like he said at the end of our call, something along the lines of "see you soon, and ill let you know when we can "bump" in to each other, hey?"

Sigh.

Sunday Visit

And so, I sent B a text on Friday morning, asking how he was, and checking about Sunday. He said he was good, asked how I was, and said he wasn't sure about Sunday; he'd have to let me know, on Sunday.

I usually would have my 2 eldest daughters this weekend, but after the email Id sent him a week or 2 ago about Sunday, I had my girls organise to be somewhere else til around 1pm.

By 11.30am, I hadn't heard anything from B, and I was growing impatient; mostly because I was supposed to be picking up my girls in a little over an hour away. I texted "Well?" and by 12pm, I took a drive past his house. His work car wasn't there. If it had of been there, I obviously would've been upset and would've continued on to pick up my girls. I went back home. Minutes later, at 12.15. he texted saying hed be at my place in 15 minutes. I sent my daughters messages saying Id pick them up later and that I'd call them soon.

I relaxed in a chair on my verandah and waited for B. We walked inside, he took off his sunnies and cap, and kissed me hello. His eyes seemed a more piercing blue... He asked for a water so I got it, and then we sat in my back room so he could smoke. It was a hot day, and hot where we sat. We talked, but still, I just can not think of all the things I want to say when he's sitting right there.

We'd been chatting about 15 minutes, when my mobile rang three times, inside the house, and after B pointed that out, Id decided I should answer it, realising it was probably one of my daughters. As luck would have it, one of them was being dropped home in 40 minutes because the parents of the friend she was staying with had decided to go out, and would drop her off on the way. So I told B.

He thanked me for dropping his friend R home the other night, and I said that that was fine but next time I would have a meter installed in the car so I could charge. :) He said he thought that R and I may have a bit of thing, a bit of action happening. I had a feeling the other night that B sort of felt that way (one of the reasons I think he wanted me to drop him home first, and then R), and I told B that I think R is a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him in any way, and to stop trying to set me up with him! "Im not!" he replied with a chuckle.

And a little while later he made a move to leave, saying he didn't want any complications with my girls seeing him here. I nodded in agreement. So I lead the way back to my kitchen so we could put our glasses there, and commented on how much cooler it was inside the house, as I leaned against the counter. Like I was waiting for something. And B stepped in front of me and kissed me. Dreamiest kisses. Then he stepped away, and went back to get his keys off the bench. I took a step closer to the front door, and he kissed me again. And then pulled me full length to him. I wound my arms around his next, and stood on tippy toes. I could feel every inch of him. Mmmm.

As I walked him to the door, he noticed a drill bit Id purchased. We talked a little about that, and he seemd impressed I was giving it (handyman stuff! :-)) a go. He gave me some tips to make the job easier. I walked him to my letter box. And away he went.

B left just after 1pm. And wouldn't you know it, my daughter didn't get dropped home til 2.15!

Damn but Im starving for more of that man.

Beverages

I received a phone call last night just before 9pm, and the person who called also left a voice message. It crossed my mind that it was B, but then I considered that he probably wouldn't leave voicemail. Turns out it was B; he said that he was up at our local, having a few beverages with one of his work mates who is getting married today, L, (that Ive met), and was also there with another workmate, R, (who Ive also met).

I called called him, and explained that I wouldn't be able to get up there for another hour or so; I had my little kids to put to bed (Id allowed them to stay up for a little watching a movie), and had to shower etc. He said he wasn't staying much longer, and I said "look, I know you. You'll still be there at 10.30" (which is when I said Id be there). I suggested he give me a call when he was leaving, so I could tell him how far away I was.

So I got ready, made my big girls aware that they were babysitting their siblings :-) and was 2 minutes from leaving when B called again, saying he was leaving. I told him Id be there in 10 minutes, which I was.

We stayed til just after 12am.

There were 4 of them; the 2 guys I know, B, and the 'best man'. R and I went to the bar first, and bought drinks. B then suggested I sit between him and R so I could be included in conversation at the table, rather than sit to the side on the edge. It was actually a good time, and the conversation, and laughter, flowed easily.

Three of us were on one side of the table, and the other two were on the other. B sat directly across from L mate. Again I was conscious of what I was doing, or how long I looked at B, etc, because of L's friend.

At one point, I had my hands on either side of my legs, sort of leaning forward holding on to our seat. B then intertwined his fingers in to mine. And then we played with each others fingers under the table, or my foot was wrapped around his calf, or I'd be stroking his thigh or under neath. Or something. If my right arm was stretched out a little because of what ever I was doing, I would try and make my other arm or hand look like it was in the same position. Part of me was thinking that this guy (L's friend) didn't notice, and then the other half of me, and probably more accurately, realised that he probably could tell there was something going on.

I picked up my drink at one stage, and the condensation dripped on to my legs, and I wiped it off. B immediately helped me, and then quickly stopped and said "oh sorry". Another time I got up to go to the bathroom, and he gave my bum a pat as I passed. So, this guy would've realised for sure, even though I didn't react to any thing.

Unfortunately, B said he should be dropped home first because today is his last day filling in for the big boss who is on leave. He said he needed to not be so hung over, like an occasion where he was last week. He said sorry, and was "that okay?" "Of course" I replied. Yeh, of course I was disappointed, but I totally understand; I wasnt the one who had to get up at 6am, less than 6 hours later.

He sat in the front, and in the two minute ride to his house, had his hand stretched out to my leg and groin. I stopped the car near his street, and he leaned over. Those lips are divine. We kissed on the lips, and hugged, but R was just in the back, and so I didn't want to be so blatant in front of him. B said thanks for the lift, and that it was nice to see me again. He lit up a smoke, and I drove R home.

I half expect to get a message from B today sort of apologising for him wanting to go home first, but I'll see him Sunday, so all should be fine. Having said that, nothing was confirmed last night about him seeing me Sunday...