Monday, August 30, 2010
On my way to a girlfriends this morning - who I haven't seen for a few months to have coffee - I headed in the direction of B's house to do my usual drive by, but halfway there (even though he's only 4 or 5 minutes away), I turned and went in a different direction and straight to my girlfriends.
And I didn't drive past on the way back home either.
Woohoo!
Believe me, thats a BIG deal.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I went out last night to a friends 40th - and funnily enough it was at the local pub (same one I went to Friday night, and the one B frequents).
Nice group of people, and I started off in a good mood; Id just driven past B's house on the way there and saw his car was not parked there, so assumed he would of driven to work, which would mean that he didn't get a lift after all, and would therefore be able to come see me.
Pfft.
As the night wore on, I think a culmination of too much food, lack of sleep, gym, over-thinking, and not feeling comfy with the only single man at the 40th sitting next to me all night made me feel "off". Oh, and probably also because by 10.30 I had received no message from B, and if he had intention of coming by, I would've heard.
I drove past his house on the way home of course, but his car was in the drive way. I can only think that perhaps his wife dropped him off!
I was home and in bed by 11.10pm.
But I had a hard time falling asleep. I must of napped for a few minutes, and woke suddenly. A few minutes later at 11.45 B sent me a message saying he couldn't "do it tonight babe" and that he would try and catch me after work tomorrow. "Sorry". I replied "K. x" What more could I say?
I passed his house on the way to the gym this morning, and the work van definitely was not there, and was not there an hour or so later.
1.30pm, as I was on my way to spend the afternoon with family in the Eastern Suburbs, his work van still wasn't there.
Parking around the beaches on the Eastern Suburbs is not easy, especially for more than 2 hours. As I came to my family's street, I'd made a "deal" that I would not contact B until he contacts me first, and there in front of me was a family vacating a 4 hour parking spot. "Okay", I said out loud, "thank you for my spot. I will not contact him until he contacts me".
Sounds silly, I know, but Ive had a few "universe" moments like this. So I have to trust it. Shit.
And I didn't get a message all day.
He must be trying to make extra money at the moment because he's been working extra Sundays. Think he has tomorrow off. But I wont hear from him.
6. looooooong. weeks.
:(
Nice group of people, and I started off in a good mood; Id just driven past B's house on the way there and saw his car was not parked there, so assumed he would of driven to work, which would mean that he didn't get a lift after all, and would therefore be able to come see me.
Pfft.
As the night wore on, I think a culmination of too much food, lack of sleep, gym, over-thinking, and not feeling comfy with the only single man at the 40th sitting next to me all night made me feel "off". Oh, and probably also because by 10.30 I had received no message from B, and if he had intention of coming by, I would've heard.
I drove past his house on the way home of course, but his car was in the drive way. I can only think that perhaps his wife dropped him off!
I was home and in bed by 11.10pm.
But I had a hard time falling asleep. I must of napped for a few minutes, and woke suddenly. A few minutes later at 11.45 B sent me a message saying he couldn't "do it tonight babe" and that he would try and catch me after work tomorrow. "Sorry". I replied "K. x" What more could I say?
I passed his house on the way to the gym this morning, and the work van definitely was not there, and was not there an hour or so later.
1.30pm, as I was on my way to spend the afternoon with family in the Eastern Suburbs, his work van still wasn't there.
Parking around the beaches on the Eastern Suburbs is not easy, especially for more than 2 hours. As I came to my family's street, I'd made a "deal" that I would not contact B until he contacts me first, and there in front of me was a family vacating a 4 hour parking spot. "Okay", I said out loud, "thank you for my spot. I will not contact him until he contacts me".
Sounds silly, I know, but Ive had a few "universe" moments like this. So I have to trust it. Shit.
And I didn't get a message all day.
He must be trying to make extra money at the moment because he's been working extra Sundays. Think he has tomorrow off. But I wont hear from him.
6. looooooong. weeks.
:(
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Well, Wednesday afternoon I ended calling B, right before I had to pick my kids up from school. Mulled over it a good hour before "biting the bullet". I asked him straight out if I would see him Saturday night. He said he didn't know, that he was trying to organise a lift. "Why do you need a lift?" I asked him. His reply was because he wanted to 'get on the can' (drink) and hasn't been really able to in a while. Oh poor baby."Uh-huh" was all I could say to that. He asked me what was new and what Id been up to, and I said a lot can happen in six weeks and that I couldn't talk anyway because I was doing the school run. The call lasted a minute.
A few minutes later I texted him offering that I could pick him up after work if he could arrange to get there. He replied "see how we go."
So, the allure of drink is more appealing. What the? I guess its safer for him. His wife would be used to that at least.
A few minutes later I texted him offering that I could pick him up after work if he could arrange to get there. He replied "see how we go."
So, the allure of drink is more appealing. What the? I guess its safer for him. His wife would be used to that at least.
I also noticed he changed his profile picture to one of him at some music festival holding a can of drink...
Last night I went out with some girlfriends (including my new friend, the wife of the guy I had coffee with a week ago) and had dinner at the local pub where B hangs out. This night was not arranged by me in any way. As I parked I could see B in his usual spot. And he watched as I walked in. I went and said hi to my friends who were inside, and then went and got a drink from one of the bars that opens to outside where B was and stood where I knew he'd be able to see me. And see me he did. He gave me a nod of acknowledgment, and I smiled back.
It took him half an hour, but I was pleased when he texted me asking me what my plans were. I asked him how long he was staying for and he replied "about 5" but I didn't understand what he meant and thought perhaps 5 hours! He actually meant 5 minutes (lol), that he was having one more beer and would be leaving so I asked if he wanted me to come and say hi. he said "sure" and told me that one of the girls (the one I see at the gym who lives next to one of my best friends etc etc) would be here soon too.
The timing was great because I had to pick up my 2 younger kids from a friends house shortly, so I said goodbye to my dinner friends and went to finish my drink with B and his friends. He was at the bar when I sat down so I spoke to - lets call her "A" - and her housemate, one of B's workmates - until B returned. When he came back he said hello, and shook my hand in greeting. Oh my. What a game.
And, for the next 15 minutes, I think B and i must of said 2 sentences; the rest of the time I spoke to A. Who is just lovely. I was aware the whole time of when B was watching the footy, or when he was watching me as I talked to A. I had just had a spray tan a day or two before, my first one, and at one point as I was talking to A about it, I purposely took my jacket off to show her because I knew B was watching. But I couldnt talk to B because I was worried Id give something away in front of A! Girls are more perceptive than guys.
Toward the end, I told her how many kids I had, and she was saying how good I looked etc, and then B was making out he didn't know how many I had, continuing the game.
I told A I would no doubt see her at the gym - don't know if B knows we both go there or not - and told B I would "see him later".
But, who knows if and when that will happen.
Last night I went out with some girlfriends (including my new friend, the wife of the guy I had coffee with a week ago) and had dinner at the local pub where B hangs out. This night was not arranged by me in any way. As I parked I could see B in his usual spot. And he watched as I walked in. I went and said hi to my friends who were inside, and then went and got a drink from one of the bars that opens to outside where B was and stood where I knew he'd be able to see me. And see me he did. He gave me a nod of acknowledgment, and I smiled back.
It took him half an hour, but I was pleased when he texted me asking me what my plans were. I asked him how long he was staying for and he replied "about 5" but I didn't understand what he meant and thought perhaps 5 hours! He actually meant 5 minutes (lol), that he was having one more beer and would be leaving so I asked if he wanted me to come and say hi. he said "sure" and told me that one of the girls (the one I see at the gym who lives next to one of my best friends etc etc) would be here soon too.
The timing was great because I had to pick up my 2 younger kids from a friends house shortly, so I said goodbye to my dinner friends and went to finish my drink with B and his friends. He was at the bar when I sat down so I spoke to - lets call her "A" - and her housemate, one of B's workmates - until B returned. When he came back he said hello, and shook my hand in greeting. Oh my. What a game.
And, for the next 15 minutes, I think B and i must of said 2 sentences; the rest of the time I spoke to A. Who is just lovely. I was aware the whole time of when B was watching the footy, or when he was watching me as I talked to A. I had just had a spray tan a day or two before, my first one, and at one point as I was talking to A about it, I purposely took my jacket off to show her because I knew B was watching. But I couldnt talk to B because I was worried Id give something away in front of A! Girls are more perceptive than guys.
Toward the end, I told her how many kids I had, and she was saying how good I looked etc, and then B was making out he didn't know how many I had, continuing the game.
I told A I would no doubt see her at the gym - don't know if B knows we both go there or not - and told B I would "see him later".
But, who knows if and when that will happen.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Ive been quite down about the whole relationship thing for the last few days...
Last week I went on a date with someone I met online, and he was nice enough but I just didn't feel a connection. Probably just as well, because the world being as small as it is, it turns out we have mutual friends, and his wife (they've been separated about 6 months) and I met on Friday night while we were out with one of our mutual friends! I also went out on Sunday with another guy I met online, who was also nice thankfully, but again, no real connection.
Ive also heard a number of stories about couples breaking up; one is a close friend of mine, two couples I know through other friends, and even one of B's wifes best friend (amazing what you can discover on the internet!)! Because of that, I think B's wife may be feeling a tad insecure; last week on the social networking site, his profile pic was of their little family. Last night he changed it to of the two of them kissing. Could also be the reason he has stayed away.
The wife best friend has a local business and I thought Id check it out yesterday... and fuck me! but there at the front counter working was B's wife! I walked past, and a few minutes later, walked back. She saw me. But she would not of known who I was, although I was waiting for someone to call out to me as I walked away up the stairs... I don't know why I went there, or what I was hoping to achieve.
And yesterday afternoon I sent B an email. All I said was "whats new?" Clearly nothing is new; no message of any sort in reply.
I'm so torn; I was thinking about calling and asking now if I will see him Saturday night. But he'd probably just fob me off. Or even if he did say no, that doesn't change my plans for Saturday night.... but at least Id know. And if he did tell me now he couldn't see me, should I suggest we get together and talk and finish things once and for all? Is he waiting for things to settle down around him so he doesn't arouse suspicion?
I know I should just forget it all, forget him, and move on. Would be alright if I knew what direction would be the right way to follow. There's no guy waiting in the wings. I'm not in regular contact with single eligible men. The online dating thing sucks.
And today I'm just a bit of a mess.
Last week I went on a date with someone I met online, and he was nice enough but I just didn't feel a connection. Probably just as well, because the world being as small as it is, it turns out we have mutual friends, and his wife (they've been separated about 6 months) and I met on Friday night while we were out with one of our mutual friends! I also went out on Sunday with another guy I met online, who was also nice thankfully, but again, no real connection.
Ive also heard a number of stories about couples breaking up; one is a close friend of mine, two couples I know through other friends, and even one of B's wifes best friend (amazing what you can discover on the internet!)! Because of that, I think B's wife may be feeling a tad insecure; last week on the social networking site, his profile pic was of their little family. Last night he changed it to of the two of them kissing. Could also be the reason he has stayed away.
The wife best friend has a local business and I thought Id check it out yesterday... and fuck me! but there at the front counter working was B's wife! I walked past, and a few minutes later, walked back. She saw me. But she would not of known who I was, although I was waiting for someone to call out to me as I walked away up the stairs... I don't know why I went there, or what I was hoping to achieve.
And yesterday afternoon I sent B an email. All I said was "whats new?" Clearly nothing is new; no message of any sort in reply.
I'm so torn; I was thinking about calling and asking now if I will see him Saturday night. But he'd probably just fob me off. Or even if he did say no, that doesn't change my plans for Saturday night.... but at least Id know. And if he did tell me now he couldn't see me, should I suggest we get together and talk and finish things once and for all? Is he waiting for things to settle down around him so he doesn't arouse suspicion?
I know I should just forget it all, forget him, and move on. Would be alright if I knew what direction would be the right way to follow. There's no guy waiting in the wings. I'm not in regular contact with single eligible men. The online dating thing sucks.
And today I'm just a bit of a mess.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I went to the gym Sunday morning, as I usually do now (have been going for a few weeks), and, as I also usually do, I drive directly past B's house on the way there, and back.
After gym, I was feeling good, had the windows of my car down (yay! the weather is finally warming up!) and music loud. And I drove past his house, and there he was out front, holding his youngest son!
There is no way he would not of seen me, and I did not look at him directly or give any indication to say I had seen him.
Oops.
He has today off work, so nothing will happen today for us.
What am I saying? Nothing will ever happen again but the looks of it.
After gym, I was feeling good, had the windows of my car down (yay! the weather is finally warming up!) and music loud. And I drove past his house, and there he was out front, holding his youngest son!
There is no way he would not of seen me, and I did not look at him directly or give any indication to say I had seen him.
Oops.
He has today off work, so nothing will happen today for us.
What am I saying? Nothing will ever happen again but the looks of it.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Saturday night again. And no B again...
At least I received a text though, around 8.30pm. But no mushiness this time. "Hey. Cant make it tonight, got people over home. Gotta get back early. Sorry."
I replied not long after: "okay babe. looking forward to the reunion".
10.30 I did a drive by... figured Id see some cars at his house then. Perhaps its for his wife's birthday; I'm sure her birthday is around this time. But nope, not an extra car in sight. No lights on. Nothing.
My personality is mixed; partly skeptic, and otherwise optimistic. On one hand I'm thinking why does the guy feel he needs to lie to me of all people? If you cant come over, or simply don't want to then say so. Don't make up some freakin' story... and then the other part of me thinks, well, if it IS his wife's birthday or whatever, then what is really happening is that there is a celebration of sorts at someones house (like her parents for example) and its easier for B to say there are people at HIS house than explain (especially via text) what the deal is.
The other point is what is his use of keeping me dangling? Or does he think perhaps this is letting me down gently? Ive given him enough opportunity now to have this "whatever this is" end.
Yes I do want to drive by again around midnight... but I wont.
No, I dont undertsnad why Im doing what Im doing. Me, the controlled and composed person that I am...
Next week will be 6 weeks. The same length of time we were apart when I broke it off...
At least I received a text though, around 8.30pm. But no mushiness this time. "Hey. Cant make it tonight, got people over home. Gotta get back early. Sorry."
I replied not long after: "okay babe. looking forward to the reunion".
10.30 I did a drive by... figured Id see some cars at his house then. Perhaps its for his wife's birthday; I'm sure her birthday is around this time. But nope, not an extra car in sight. No lights on. Nothing.
My personality is mixed; partly skeptic, and otherwise optimistic. On one hand I'm thinking why does the guy feel he needs to lie to me of all people? If you cant come over, or simply don't want to then say so. Don't make up some freakin' story... and then the other part of me thinks, well, if it IS his wife's birthday or whatever, then what is really happening is that there is a celebration of sorts at someones house (like her parents for example) and its easier for B to say there are people at HIS house than explain (especially via text) what the deal is.
The other point is what is his use of keeping me dangling? Or does he think perhaps this is letting me down gently? Ive given him enough opportunity now to have this "whatever this is" end.
Yes I do want to drive by again around midnight... but I wont.
No, I dont undertsnad why Im doing what Im doing. Me, the controlled and composed person that I am...
Next week will be 6 weeks. The same length of time we were apart when I broke it off...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Went out to B's pub on Friday night; got there around 7.45pm, but didn't see him or anyone that looked familiar (in his circle of friends). Maybe they didn't go out? Or they'd just had their after work drinks and had already left.
Didn't hear from B at all. All Saturday night I waited as usual for a message from him, as I went about my own stuff. I was so sad and pissed at the same time, as I got ready for bed just before 12am.
By 12.15 I thought "stuff it" and I tried calling him, to say something along the lines of "you know how much Ive missed you; you could of at least let me know you wouldn't be coming by tonight". I psyched myself up, and dialled... and the phone went straight to a message saying it had been switched off. I waited a few more minutes and tried again. Then I tried his work phone; it too had been switched off.
12.30am I sent a text message saying I was disappointed and that I didn't know what had happened or changed but he could at least taken time to tell me.
20 minutes later I was still not asleep, and extremely restless, and... I put on my slippers and dressing gown and did a drive by of his house! The car was there; he was home. All I could think was that he'd had an early night after all, and not stayed out or gone somewhere else like I thought.
I wasn't sure if he'd be working Sunday, but perhaps he did, because I did a drive by again (took myself off to Maccas for breakky) and his work van wasn't there. Just before 10am I received a text from B saying "Sorry babe, left phone at home last night". Not good enough I'm afraid.
So I replied "Now what? You've known ahead of time what you've had on. I'm pissed I haven't seen or spoken to you for even 10 minutes in 4 weeks." He wasn't happy. He replied "Ive had a heap on my plate. I cant do everything." Well, obviously I'm not a priority but I didn't realise I didn't matter at all! I replied along the lines of please don't get defensive, that we're all busy gorgeous but I make time for what matters and that I miss him etc." I ended with "See ya. x". Later I thought what if he takes my "see ya" the wrong way? As in "goodbye" when I meant "when you're ready"? so I texted that through on his work mobile later.
So, its after midday Tuesday now. Ive heard nothing, and I don't expect to. At least til Saturday, but to be honest I reckon I'll be lucky to hear anything for a while. Hes not that bad mannered where I wont hear anything ever again, but he wont hurry that's for sure.
Ive started my 2nd real attempt at online dating. Had a couple of disasters about a month ago, and that's before even actually meeting anyone through it! But Ill try again and see what happens.
Really need to let go of B.
Didn't hear from B at all. All Saturday night I waited as usual for a message from him, as I went about my own stuff. I was so sad and pissed at the same time, as I got ready for bed just before 12am.
By 12.15 I thought "stuff it" and I tried calling him, to say something along the lines of "you know how much Ive missed you; you could of at least let me know you wouldn't be coming by tonight". I psyched myself up, and dialled... and the phone went straight to a message saying it had been switched off. I waited a few more minutes and tried again. Then I tried his work phone; it too had been switched off.
12.30am I sent a text message saying I was disappointed and that I didn't know what had happened or changed but he could at least taken time to tell me.
20 minutes later I was still not asleep, and extremely restless, and... I put on my slippers and dressing gown and did a drive by of his house! The car was there; he was home. All I could think was that he'd had an early night after all, and not stayed out or gone somewhere else like I thought.
I wasn't sure if he'd be working Sunday, but perhaps he did, because I did a drive by again (took myself off to Maccas for breakky) and his work van wasn't there. Just before 10am I received a text from B saying "Sorry babe, left phone at home last night". Not good enough I'm afraid.
So I replied "Now what? You've known ahead of time what you've had on. I'm pissed I haven't seen or spoken to you for even 10 minutes in 4 weeks." He wasn't happy. He replied "Ive had a heap on my plate. I cant do everything." Well, obviously I'm not a priority but I didn't realise I didn't matter at all! I replied along the lines of please don't get defensive, that we're all busy gorgeous but I make time for what matters and that I miss him etc." I ended with "See ya. x". Later I thought what if he takes my "see ya" the wrong way? As in "goodbye" when I meant "when you're ready"? so I texted that through on his work mobile later.
So, its after midday Tuesday now. Ive heard nothing, and I don't expect to. At least til Saturday, but to be honest I reckon I'll be lucky to hear anything for a while. Hes not that bad mannered where I wont hear anything ever again, but he wont hurry that's for sure.
Ive started my 2nd real attempt at online dating. Had a couple of disasters about a month ago, and that's before even actually meeting anyone through it! But Ill try again and see what happens.
Really need to let go of B.
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