The Hook Up

I went out for my 39th birthday to the place where I knew B worked. My decision to go there with a bunch of people that mean the most to me was based on the fact that I knew we'd all have a great time. The compere of the "show" also hosts a monthly day at a club that I attend with my Nan, and Id also taken my (now ex) partner to the show years before. And also yes, I knew B would be there.

The show is set in a small intimate environment, and I saw that B did a little double-take as soon as he saw me in the middle of a song. We had some eye contact, but I didn't take that too personally; he's an entertainer, and thats what they're meant to do. Only a short time later though, during one of his breaks, out of the corner of my eye I knew that he was going past the table I was seated at, and behind my chair, so I tucked my chair in closer to the table as he went past. He stopped, and turned around, and held out his hand, and said "Hi, its XXXX, isn't it?" (he remembered my name!), made a bit of small talk and off he went. All I could think of was "he remembered my name?!"

Throughout the night, I was getting more full of alcohol, and in between acts, I would go off to the Ladies, or downstairs and outside (where I knew all the smokers went, although until I actually saw him smoking, I wouldn't of known he did smoke), hoping to "bump" into him. Finally, one time at the bar, we did have a chat. He introduced me to two other people that work there, and I gracefully left once it looked like other audience people wanted to chat with him.

A number of my friends and family commented to me how he kept checking me out. By this stage Id informed my best girlfriend, and L, that this was in fact the guy that made me feel I wanted to jump his bones a few months before hand. Id also told them that nothing could or would happen because he was married...

After the show, there's dancing for half hour or so, and then the doors close at midnight. My friends and I danced, B sang a song, and soon after I felt him grab my hand and he was spinning me around on the floor! We danced for a bit, and then, it was over.

We all made our way - as orderly as possible - down the stairs, and out in to the night. Some of my friends and family had already left, but those who were still there with me organised where we were going next. As we were deciding, Id noticed B just a few steps away, having a cigarette. We chat a little, and before I knew it Id asked if he wanted to come out with us too. I wasn't driving; there was 7 of us, plus B now, in 2 cars.

In one car, B and I sat in the back, and L and her hubby were in the front. Not long in to the trip to the club we'd decided on - about 20 minutes away - I felt B's hand start playing with the back of my head, and my hair. For as long as I live, that touch will be ingrained in my mind and senses. I was shocked, and gave him a sideways look. Every time he stroked, my eyes practically fluttered closed and I contained a moan, or a sigh. And, being quite tipsy didn't help, but I suddenly needed to concentrate extra hard to follow conversation. Before long, we were playing with each others hands, and its a wonder something so simple could feel so good.

As we walked hand in hand to the club, he discovered I had five children... I laughed and asked him if he wanted to leave now? He stayed, bought me a drink. We danced. We talked, but not that much. He asked a few times why I hadn't told him we were going (to the show) that night. I was a bit confused by that; why would I of told him? How would I? By email, the same way Id contacted him last year through the community site?

We flirted, we touched, danced some more. Evnentually, we kissed, and I thought I would die then and there. It was heavenly, but sinful all at once. We'd kiss, and then Id remember he was married, and Id pull away.

To make a weird situation even weirder, my first husband was at the club too. I didn't tell B that; there was no point. And thankfully, most of the people Id gone out with knew my ex too, so they hung around together.

I don't remember what words he actually used, but B said about 3 times something like "lets get out of here" or "lets go somewhere quiet".

I was still coherent enough to realise that it was a bad idea.

Firstly, and most importantly, which is the reason I kept reminding him of, he's married.

Secondly, my best friend was staying at my place for the night, and she already disapproved (rightly so) of what I was doing. If she hadn't of been staying though, things may have ended differently...

And thirdly, I had my period.

"I just cant" I kept saying, because I knew for me, that those 3 words encompassed all three reasons above.

"Tell me more about you. Whats your story" he asked me a number of times. But in all honesty I loved not telling him much.

We left the club around 3.15am, and stopped by a doner kebab kiosk. Everyone else had a kebab, except for me; I wasn't hungry, and just had a bit or two of B's. This place apparently is a regular stop home for B after a night out.

We dropped B home, right out the front of his place. For me there was a "nice to meet you" but nothing else. No "whats your number" or ""Ill be in contact" kind of thing. As we drove away, I couldn't believe I didn't even turn back. I didn't know whether to be disappointed or not.

My girlfriend and I got home about 4am, and went straight to bed. I woke around 7.30am (not good at sleeping in anymore!), and she was awake early too. We talked a little about B, but I knew how she disapproving she was, and I knew that anything I thought or felt would have to stay close to my heart.