Sunday, May 5, 2013

Still.

I am in a new relationship now, and have been for a few months, with a wonderful man. Finally I have someone who puts actually makes me a priority. He looks after me. My kids love him. His kids love me. Its all good. Everything is how it should be.

Still, it doesn't stop me wondering about B. I wonder how he's doing. If he and his wife have started for their 3rd child yet. I see her Facebook posts from time to time, and have a quick catch up there. But I haven't seen him around.

My daughter turned 18 recently. I took her to the local for her first 'legal' drink. Somehow I knew B would be there, and as my daughter and I walked across the car park, I saw his car. I poked my head around the corner where I knew he'd be, and sure enough, he was there with all his work mates. It was like they'd watched us walk across the car park or something, 'cause they all went quiet. It took me a few seconds to scan all the guys, but as I met his eyes, B gave me a smile and a nod. All I did was a bit of a smile then turned and walked in side with my daughter.

My daughter and I bought a drink (actually, one B got me on to early in our 'thing'), and we sat where I could see out to, and where if he got up he'd be able to see me. And at one point he did, but I put my head down. I couldn't think straight. I was shaking. I wasn't totally focused on my daughter either. We couldn't stay long; we had a very busy afternoon / evening planned, so we left after about 1/2 hour. I'm pretty sure he would've seen us leave across the car park.

It was around 1/2 hour after we left that I received a text from B, from his old number which I hadn't realised he'd kept. He said "How rude. was great to see you". I replied that it was my daughters 18th and that there were too many guys there for me to say hi. Its Sunday night now, and I haven't heard anything else from him.

And honestly, I woke around 2.30 early this morning, while in my boyfriends bed, wondering if B had sent me a text from work. But no. And every now and then I catch myself and say to myself that I know it (a relationship) would not work out with him, he's out with the 'boys' a fair bit, and cheated on his wife with at least me and one other woman.

But the feelings are still there, and he still has an effect on me. And if I'm really honest, I am a bit chuffed he went to the effort of texting me. I am glad I'm on his mind.

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