Email?

The day after our 2 hour marathon, Id sent B a text asking how he was, and that I was black and blue all over etc, and Merry Christmas. He replied "Oh no. Merry Christmas to you too."

The same day, Christmas Eve, I was, I have to say, quite worked up over the fact that I hadn't heard from my muso friend A, who had actually stayed the night Monday, but who I hadn't heard from other than a quick text once he got home the next morning. I had just left a message on his voice mail (after ringing once, and noticing it went to voice mail, I hung up, collected my thoughts and rang again), and Id pretty much said I wasn't in to playing games, and that he clearly wasn't interested in me the same way etc (theres more to this story but too hard to explain here).

So, I decided that I need to be more up front. No more pussy footing around, especially when it comes to relationships. Id just told A what I thought, and that now I needed to be a little more upfront with B.

I decided to tell him that I love him.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not IN LOVE with him. I know how things are. I know he wont leave his wife. I don't want anything from him. I know that if he's done this WITH me, he'd be just as likely to do it TO me. But, knowing what I do know of him, there is part of me that does love him.

I wanted to say that to B.

And so I sent B a text asking if he was still at work and would he be checking his emails before the end of the day. He replied that he was just about to leave, and asked why. I replied that it was okay, id leave it til another time.

As much as I wanted to say something, and start the new year off on a different foot, I knew /know it would change a lot of things.

Today B sent me a message saying that he'd still not received the email Id been talking about. "Surely you're not hanging out for my emails? ;-)" I asked. ""No. It just seemed important a few weeks ago" he said. So I replied "It was then. Now its not. Better that way. And nothing to do with being preggars so don't freak. Have a good weekend. x". He simply replied "Great. You too."

Not sure Id say anything now...